Most, if not all, of the things I’ve done in secret are surrounded in shame. Especially, when the things done in secret get exposed. Then shame feels like an undertow pulling me deeper into the sea of shame. Taking me into deep waters where I can’t find my footing or see which direction the solid ground is. I circle, treading water until exhaustion threatens to overtake me. I go under, choking on water, popping back up gasping for air.
In the distance, I see dry land. With all the energy I can muster, I swim in that direction. Wanting to escape the sea of shame. Not wanting to face exposure. Also not wanting to drown in the sea of shame. I swim until my arms burn, my breath is ragged, my chest is on fire, but will strong.
With shaking legs, I crawl out of the water and lay heaving on the ground. Shame swirls around me but I’m no longer drowning. Slowly, I catch my breath, sit up and test the strength of my legs. Weak, but determined, I walk away from shame.
These secrets are killing me.
— Stephanie
In the distance, I see dry land. With all the energy I can muster, I swim in that direction. Wanting to escape the sea of shame. Not wanting to face exposure. Also not wanting to drown in the sea of shame. I swim until my arms burn, my breath is ragged, my chest is on fire, but will strong.
With shaking legs, I crawl out of the water and lay heaving on the ground. Shame swirls around me but I’m no longer drowning. Slowly, I catch my breath, sit up and test the strength of my legs. Weak, but determined, I walk away from shame.
These secrets are killing me.
— Stephanie
This was a pretty heavy piece of writing! I hope you are feeling better! There are probably many of us who have hese kinds of secrets. Will we ever share them with each other?
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