Child of Mine

In the last days of my first marriage, our counselor said to me, “ It would probably be easier to find a man who didn’t drink and wanted children than to try and change this one.” Shortly after that, we separated and I grieved the loss as I tried to put my life back together. I only had about six months of sobriety and so I was going to lots of twelve step meetings. I forced myself to sit next to the woman who was single and coming to terms with the fact that she wasn’t going to have kids. I had a bookmark card with the serenity prayer on it. Along the side, I asked my higher power to relieve me of the obsession to have children. I knew that I needed to stay sober, go to my job, and do the steps in order. Along the way, I went on a date. I still shudder at the memories of that guy. Then I met the man who I would marry two years later and we started dating. When we discussed the future, he was adamant that there would be contraception before marriage. After we had our marriage license and were planning a small wedding, I wanted to start trying for a baby, but he said no. We got married in October and I did not get pregnant that first month. But I conceived at Thanksgiving and gave birth to our feisty daughter in August. By the time she threw her first major tantrum, I was already pregnant with her brother. My husband has loved being a dad and I count my blessings that I got to be a mom.

— KathyV