Back in the day when our marriage was okay and my husband’s work was thriving, we contributed money – a pretty good bit of money – to our church and various ministries, to our liberal arts alma maters, political causes and campaigns, and a couple of my husband’s brothers. I contributed time volunteering at the church and in our kids’ schools. “Margaret doesn’t work away from home,” he would joke. “She has these 60 hour a week volunteer jobs.” (Realizing for the first time that he wasn’t really joking. Learning here.)
One lesson I learned during those days is that you cannot delegate your charitable obligations. Every Christmas we’d get ornaments from the “Angel Giving Tree” with each ornament stating a gift item and the age of the child to receive the gift. This particular year we were rushing, rushing to finish school programs, piano and dance recitals, to finish decorating, and to finish shopping. Ugh! I’d forgotten until the last minute about the ornaments – a ball and a doll. Mama was visiting and said she’d get the two things. She came home with a three-inch bouncy ball and a kewpie doll. You know what? Maybe they were fine. I just knew I would have gotten a bigger ball that kids could bounce and kick and roll around on. The doll would have been bigger with outfits. (Thinking for the first time that I never thought to ask if the child to receive the doll might be Black or Hispanic or Asian. Learning here, too!) There was not time to re-do the gifts. I learned: Do not delegate a charitable task you’ve accepted…at least, not to Mama!
Time waddled on and I was away from my husband at last. The Table (where there’s always room for one more) hosted weekend afternoon meals for non-resident homeless people at the Firehouse Shelter. A best friend and I took a turn every six weeks or so planning the menu, rounding up friends and friends of friends to prepare the foods on the menu, bring them to the shelter, and serve the people gathered for the meal – never fewer than 50 and sometimes as many as 80. There cannot be a more humbling, exuberantly joy-filled experience than lovingly serving loving prepared food to people for whom this is their meal for the day. (I clearly need to get back on that volunteer service list!)
So those are some biggies of opening my hands wide. Here are some smaller quickies:
When I’m in line at the check out and have a big order and the person behind me has a few items, I step back and invite that person to come ahead.
When I’m in the stream of traffic on a controlled access highway, I give way to people trying to merge. Not, I hope, so much as to irritate the drivers behind me.
When it could be this way or it could have gone that way, giving folks the benefit of the doubt in favor of doing their best or not noticing where they might have helped. I am getting better at this one. Practicing this is hard as I was raised on a steady diet of judge and condemn.
Saying out loud to someone serving me in person, on the phone, or in a chat, you are good at this. I appreciate how well you do your job.
It is so, so easy to open our hands to serve others.
— Marmar
One lesson I learned during those days is that you cannot delegate your charitable obligations. Every Christmas we’d get ornaments from the “Angel Giving Tree” with each ornament stating a gift item and the age of the child to receive the gift. This particular year we were rushing, rushing to finish school programs, piano and dance recitals, to finish decorating, and to finish shopping. Ugh! I’d forgotten until the last minute about the ornaments – a ball and a doll. Mama was visiting and said she’d get the two things. She came home with a three-inch bouncy ball and a kewpie doll. You know what? Maybe they were fine. I just knew I would have gotten a bigger ball that kids could bounce and kick and roll around on. The doll would have been bigger with outfits. (Thinking for the first time that I never thought to ask if the child to receive the doll might be Black or Hispanic or Asian. Learning here, too!) There was not time to re-do the gifts. I learned: Do not delegate a charitable task you’ve accepted…at least, not to Mama!
Time waddled on and I was away from my husband at last. The Table (where there’s always room for one more) hosted weekend afternoon meals for non-resident homeless people at the Firehouse Shelter. A best friend and I took a turn every six weeks or so planning the menu, rounding up friends and friends of friends to prepare the foods on the menu, bring them to the shelter, and serve the people gathered for the meal – never fewer than 50 and sometimes as many as 80. There cannot be a more humbling, exuberantly joy-filled experience than lovingly serving loving prepared food to people for whom this is their meal for the day. (I clearly need to get back on that volunteer service list!)
So those are some biggies of opening my hands wide. Here are some smaller quickies:
When I’m in line at the check out and have a big order and the person behind me has a few items, I step back and invite that person to come ahead.
When I’m in the stream of traffic on a controlled access highway, I give way to people trying to merge. Not, I hope, so much as to irritate the drivers behind me.
When it could be this way or it could have gone that way, giving folks the benefit of the doubt in favor of doing their best or not noticing where they might have helped. I am getting better at this one. Practicing this is hard as I was raised on a steady diet of judge and condemn.
Saying out loud to someone serving me in person, on the phone, or in a chat, you are good at this. I appreciate how well you do your job.
It is so, so easy to open our hands to serve others.
— Marmar
Someone from whom I was ordering some vegetarian take-out today said to me, "You are an amazing woman." Well, he kind of knows me, but not really. And I wondered if he meant it, or if he says that to all and sundry, or what... nevertheless, it had a good effect on me, and I wasn't necessarily needing that today. Well, that had nothing to do with your writing... but... anyway... (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteI took it as related to my writing. To give generously expecting nothing in return is a gesture of open hands, so to speak. And how wonderful to be perceived as "an amazing woman."
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