Probably the cause closest to my heart is the effort to bestow rights to birth-parents and adoptees, that is access to real birth certificates. This is something that varies from state to state. In the case of California, adoptees cannot get access to their original birth certificates. In Connecticut, where I grew up, adoptees can now petition for their original birth records.
This is personal to me, as I am a birthmother. I placed my son for adoption more than fifty years ago, before Roe v Wade, although I most likely would not have had an abortion, even if it had been legal and available to me. I made the decision based on the advice available at the time, that a child needed two parents to thrive and that there were childless couples willing to raise him (in the Catholic faith, I might add.) It turned out that my son was raised by such a couple and grew up to me a really good man.
I was able to find that out after 28 years of wondering if he was alive or well, agonizing over whether or not he had been treated well or neglected. I had left every information on every change of address I ever made with Catholic Social Services and he finally decided to seek me out. It was an emotional reunion and I was able to tell him everything about the circumstances of his adoption. His biological father and I had broken up with me and I had no emotional support for any other option.
My husband and I met his adoptive parents and found them to be very amiable, good hearted people.
Dennis has remained in my life for the last 24 years and although we live 3,000 miles apart, we are in touch as Facebook friends. We attended his wedding and see him every other year or so. This has been a real healing experience for me and hopefully for him.
At the time I placed my son in the care of Catholic Social Services and his adoptive parents, there was little understanding or appreciation of what’s now called Attachment theory or the effect of separation of mother and child on each other.
I’m been a member of Concerned United Birth-parents for the last five years. This is an organization that works for open access to original birth records for adoptees when they have become adults. It seems obvious that any adopted person should have access to his or her medical background, at the very least. This came home to me about five years ago when I was contacted by a woman (adoptee) who turned out to be the daughter of my older first cousin. Another family secret. My mother knew about this but the full extent of my sex education (other than about menstruation) was dire warnings about what happened to women who had premarital sex and had to give up their babies. This is exactly was happened to my cousin who is seven years older than me and was sent away to a home for unwed mothers. My brother and I were able to determine who her mother was. The new cousin contacted Catholic Social Services who alerted her still living mother that her daughter wanted to meet her. To this day, she refused. Her daughter still hopes that she’ll change her mind. I went as far as sending my cousin a letter about my experience, but she never replied to me.
I will continue to build my relationship with my son and to work for passage of legislation to make access to birth records available to those who seek their true origin stories.
— Oxnard15
This is personal to me, as I am a birthmother. I placed my son for adoption more than fifty years ago, before Roe v Wade, although I most likely would not have had an abortion, even if it had been legal and available to me. I made the decision based on the advice available at the time, that a child needed two parents to thrive and that there were childless couples willing to raise him (in the Catholic faith, I might add.) It turned out that my son was raised by such a couple and grew up to me a really good man.
I was able to find that out after 28 years of wondering if he was alive or well, agonizing over whether or not he had been treated well or neglected. I had left every information on every change of address I ever made with Catholic Social Services and he finally decided to seek me out. It was an emotional reunion and I was able to tell him everything about the circumstances of his adoption. His biological father and I had broken up with me and I had no emotional support for any other option.
My husband and I met his adoptive parents and found them to be very amiable, good hearted people.
Dennis has remained in my life for the last 24 years and although we live 3,000 miles apart, we are in touch as Facebook friends. We attended his wedding and see him every other year or so. This has been a real healing experience for me and hopefully for him.
At the time I placed my son in the care of Catholic Social Services and his adoptive parents, there was little understanding or appreciation of what’s now called Attachment theory or the effect of separation of mother and child on each other.
I’m been a member of Concerned United Birth-parents for the last five years. This is an organization that works for open access to original birth records for adoptees when they have become adults. It seems obvious that any adopted person should have access to his or her medical background, at the very least. This came home to me about five years ago when I was contacted by a woman (adoptee) who turned out to be the daughter of my older first cousin. Another family secret. My mother knew about this but the full extent of my sex education (other than about menstruation) was dire warnings about what happened to women who had premarital sex and had to give up their babies. This is exactly was happened to my cousin who is seven years older than me and was sent away to a home for unwed mothers. My brother and I were able to determine who her mother was. The new cousin contacted Catholic Social Services who alerted her still living mother that her daughter wanted to meet her. To this day, she refused. Her daughter still hopes that she’ll change her mind. I went as far as sending my cousin a letter about my experience, but she never replied to me.
I will continue to build my relationship with my son and to work for passage of legislation to make access to birth records available to those who seek their true origin stories.
— Oxnard15
A friend of mine (now living in San Francisco) has made a film about this: https://unlockingtheheart.com/ She had a long struggle to get in touch with the girl that she gave up long ago, and it's not been a smooth relationship. So much feeling there, of all kinds. I am so glad you found your son. This is an important piece of writing here, and the cause is so worthy. (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for doing this work and expressing it here. This has impacted so many of my family members. My mother was adopted. One of my "new family members" a neice was given away by my newly found half-brother. He won't talk to either one of us.
ReplyDelete