Merry was 19, Douglas was 22. Fall of her sophomore year, his senior year. She remembered, always remembered, her first sight of him as he stood outside the bookstore, next to the post office mailboxes reading a letter. Slim, well-built, brown hair, blue oxford-cloth shirt, blue cotton slacks, brown loafers, his fingers holding the letter just so. They had not shared a greeting, not even a glance, and she was head-over-heels in love … or lust. They did speak. They did date. He asked, “May I kiss you?” And she didn’t have to say “yes.” Weeks later, they were each other’s first lovers – awkward and blissful. Two – of many – things she did not know: One, what love is, and two, that when a man of a certain character says “I love you,” he expresses a life-long commitment.
Some years later, when Merry was in turmoil about what to do next, she asked Douglas to marry her. He said “no.” Maybe he didn’t mean “hard stop ‘no, never.’” Maybe he meant “no, not now, but certainly ‘yes’ later.” Whatever he might have meant, she heard “no, not now, not ever.” Still, they did not break up. He went to law school. The next year she started law school, but at a school five hours away from his. Law school is demanding, and they seldom saw each other. Second semester she met another law student at her school. Zeke met every requirement on her list of husband must-haves. She did not know to have on the list “makes me feel safe” or “cannot keep hands off each other.” She broke up with Douglas and married Zeke.
Their marriage was not terrible – not as bad as some, she consoled herself sometimes. When their third child was on her way to high school, Merry thought, “Oh my gosh, she is going to graduate and go to college and I’ll be here alone again with Zeke. Well, that’s not going to happen. I can stay until she finishes high school then I’m leaving.”
About a year after Merry’d made that decision, Douglas called. He thanked her for the time they’d had as young people. He said he wanted to be happy again for a few years. Merry said out loud, “What makes you think you get to be happy?” She called him back the next day to apologize for being ugly and said, of course, everyone should have a chance to be happy.
Merry found herself years later wanting to say, “If we get to do this again, next time when I propose marriage, say ‘yes.’” She then thought, somewhat taken aback, maybe this is the re-do of an earlier version of their lives—the version in which Douglas had said “yes” and Merry had ultimately years later in that life said, “If we do this again, next time when I propose marriage, say ‘no.’”
— Marmar
Some years later, when Merry was in turmoil about what to do next, she asked Douglas to marry her. He said “no.” Maybe he didn’t mean “hard stop ‘no, never.’” Maybe he meant “no, not now, but certainly ‘yes’ later.” Whatever he might have meant, she heard “no, not now, not ever.” Still, they did not break up. He went to law school. The next year she started law school, but at a school five hours away from his. Law school is demanding, and they seldom saw each other. Second semester she met another law student at her school. Zeke met every requirement on her list of husband must-haves. She did not know to have on the list “makes me feel safe” or “cannot keep hands off each other.” She broke up with Douglas and married Zeke.
Their marriage was not terrible – not as bad as some, she consoled herself sometimes. When their third child was on her way to high school, Merry thought, “Oh my gosh, she is going to graduate and go to college and I’ll be here alone again with Zeke. Well, that’s not going to happen. I can stay until she finishes high school then I’m leaving.”
About a year after Merry’d made that decision, Douglas called. He thanked her for the time they’d had as young people. He said he wanted to be happy again for a few years. Merry said out loud, “What makes you think you get to be happy?” She called him back the next day to apologize for being ugly and said, of course, everyone should have a chance to be happy.
Merry found herself years later wanting to say, “If we get to do this again, next time when I propose marriage, say ‘yes.’” She then thought, somewhat taken aback, maybe this is the re-do of an earlier version of their lives—the version in which Douglas had said “yes” and Merry had ultimately years later in that life said, “If we do this again, next time when I propose marriage, say ‘no.’”
— Marmar
NICE TWIST!!
ReplyDeleteI'm still not quite sure why "Merry" turned Douglas down. To get back at him? But I suppose, coming out of a so-so situation, she didn't want to jump right back into something... Things are more symmetrical in stories than they are in real life, though... (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteI looked back. I'm not sure where Merry turned Douglas down. Let me know and I'll do my best to figure it out and write it.
DeleteOf course, at that last when she dumps Douglas for someone who checks all the boxes. At that point, the motivation for Merry was to get married. The clock was ticking....
Delete^^^ That was me Marmar using my phone.
Delete