Two Things, Maybe One, Maybe Three

Two things that upset me are our current national quest for authoritarian government with fundamentalist Christians calling the shots (so to speak) and our increasingly turning our backs on our humanity – our own and others’. Ah ha, though, they are really one thing aren’t they – the subordination of dignity, self-determination, and caring for others.

That’s the highfalutin paragraph I was composing as I rolled into work today.

THEN the afternoon happened!

This is conferences week so I’m going in early to sit with the toddlers during naptime. Today, two things.

First, two of the toddlers did not sleep – at all. One just quietly rolled around on his nap map. Someone else sat with him. The other toddler – let’s call her Amy – was rolling around on her nap mat, vocalizing loudly. She is mostly non-verbal. She says “mama,” “daddy,” “bye,” “oww,” and “no.” She mostly sounds “a” as pronounced in “at” – a a a – she’ll say and we try to figure out her meaning. She has some sign language but we – at least the afterschool care people – have not been taught what signs mean what. [Side bar: This week Amy has been in underwear and our afternoon experience is nothing but accidents. I asked the lead teacher what they’d worked out for Amy to convey that she needs to get to the potty. “She’s just supposed to tell us when she needs to go.” Wanting to keep my job, I did not utter a stream of cuss words and say, “She has maybe six words. How the hell is she supposed to convey ‘I need to potty’?” So, I shrugged and went about my business.] So here this afternoon, Amy is rolling on her nap mat, saying “a a a, mama, dada, oww” with increasing volume. Finally, I took her out into the hall so at least she did not wake up the others. She has gotten rough on the playground – shoving, taking toys away from others. Whatever we’re doing is not working.
At the end of the day, the remaining toddlers go to the front common area to wait to be picked up.

Last fall we’d developed this routine: The toddlers got on their bench, put their belongings under their feet, and sat still and quiet until a parent came for pick up. We were not totally still. We practiced moving ourselves back and forth across the bench, and we did finger games like “spider doing push ups on a mirror” and “here’s the church … .” We were not totally quiet. We sang songs quietly. When we got too loud, we practiced our inside voices singing quietly “ahhh” up and down the scale. Mostly, though, we watched the people come and go. (Though, no one spoke of Michelangelo.)

Now, there is a new after-school care person – let’s call her Amanda. Let me say straight out, Amanda is 17 years old and responsible and kind. When we get up to the front, she sits cross-legged on the floor. Today, five of the six toddlers got on the bench with belongings under their feet. One needed a place and, yes, there’s plenty of room for six small people. I asked one little boy to move to one side or the other to make room for the last toddler. He said, “no.” I said, “So? You’re not going to cooperate?” He said, “no.” Then, Amanda (bless her heart) had that boy some sit in her lap. (“Oh great,” I thought. “Let’s reward him for not doing what the community needs him to do.”) So, then all the small people melted onto the floor. They were contained in our area, so, okay. Then, Amanda starts using her phone to play music. Music fine. From device for toddlers not so fine. And she asked different ones what song they wanted but if Boy in Lap said he didn’t like the song another had asked for, she would change the song. So, old lady me sitting there thinking, asking self, “How is Boy in Lap going to learn taking turns? What message does this put in his malleable brain? [I deserve to get my way.] And what message does it give the other toddlers’ brains? [I am not worthy of participating in the decisions.]" Yeah, I know. I could be exaggerating the whole scene out of my being miffed that the time is not going the way I would like it to. Even if that is so, I do know that teaching young people from the beginning that they have tremendous worth in living their lives, that others have that same tremendous worth in living THEIR lives and that the real value in living a human life is not overwhelming others nor subordinating self but finding, insisting on, the path that honors and values each of us. Giving and taking. Lifting up and giving way. Saying “yes, me! and her too!”

That's my wrath and I'm sticking to it.

— Marmar