I looked up the definitions of debt. Other than money owed, two synonyms stood out for me. One was obligation and the other was sin or trespass, as sometimes invoked in versions of the Lord’s Prayer.
52 years ago, I placed my son (out of wedlock, as they say) for adoption. I had no way of foreseeing the despair and anguish that would cause me. Over the years I learned that closed adoptions meant he or I could try to reach each other only after he was an adult. Miraculously, he did reach out when he was 28 years old. I had made the way fairly easy as I always sent changes to Catholic Social Services wherever and whenever I moved. We were then and now 3,000 miles apart.
The result has been a consistent but not close relationship that has lasted for 24 years. What do we owe each other? I felt early on that I owed him an explanation of why I placed him in the care of an unknown childless couple, who turned out to be excellent parents. He accepted those explanations and I met his adoptive parents and had intermittent communication with them until they died. But what do I owe Dennis now? Really nothing, but I want to continue to let him know that I appreciate the relationship we have sustained in this reunion.
My husband and I have no children of our own and Dennis and his wife are unable to have children. At one point in their efforts to become parents, we indicated we would be willing to help finance an adoption, but came to nothing.
We meet up every few years and I feel like I’ve become a sort of aunt figure. This not a role I reject. My husband is fond of Dennis and really admire his artistic qualities. We have similar sense of humor and political views. Our contact with him and his wife is largely through Facebook friendship. It’s great to see their marriage flourish. We went to their wedding 14 years ago and they are well-matched.
Our next visit back East to their home will be in April and I’m looking forward to seeing them in person.
I don’t feel we have an obligations to each other strictly speaking. If my circumstances and family background had been different, I might not have placed him for adoption. I made the best decision for both of us at the time. This relationship is all gravy. It is a gift.
— Oxnard15
52 years ago, I placed my son (out of wedlock, as they say) for adoption. I had no way of foreseeing the despair and anguish that would cause me. Over the years I learned that closed adoptions meant he or I could try to reach each other only after he was an adult. Miraculously, he did reach out when he was 28 years old. I had made the way fairly easy as I always sent changes to Catholic Social Services wherever and whenever I moved. We were then and now 3,000 miles apart.
The result has been a consistent but not close relationship that has lasted for 24 years. What do we owe each other? I felt early on that I owed him an explanation of why I placed him in the care of an unknown childless couple, who turned out to be excellent parents. He accepted those explanations and I met his adoptive parents and had intermittent communication with them until they died. But what do I owe Dennis now? Really nothing, but I want to continue to let him know that I appreciate the relationship we have sustained in this reunion.
My husband and I have no children of our own and Dennis and his wife are unable to have children. At one point in their efforts to become parents, we indicated we would be willing to help finance an adoption, but came to nothing.
We meet up every few years and I feel like I’ve become a sort of aunt figure. This not a role I reject. My husband is fond of Dennis and really admire his artistic qualities. We have similar sense of humor and political views. Our contact with him and his wife is largely through Facebook friendship. It’s great to see their marriage flourish. We went to their wedding 14 years ago and they are well-matched.
Our next visit back East to their home will be in April and I’m looking forward to seeing them in person.
I don’t feel we have an obligations to each other strictly speaking. If my circumstances and family background had been different, I might not have placed him for adoption. I made the best decision for both of us at the time. This relationship is all gravy. It is a gift.
— Oxnard15
I'm happy for this outcome for you; I still sense some holding back in this piece of writing. (from Macoff, a fellow Dipper)
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