Matriarches

If I could sit with my grandmothers, I have so much I would ask. When they were alive and available to me, I spent time with them and paid attention. But I had no idea what family context and history, or just their perspective of various stages of life, I would want to know later. They were both tremendously strong women. One was incredibly tall and had an eye for beauty, the mother of five. Her daughters, my aunts and mother, are my heroes. How did she handle supporting and raising such different people? When they struggled or made choices she didn’t agree with, how did she personally cope? Her musical voice and sense of humor, I miss her so much and wonder if she would be proud of who I am now. And the silly songs from the old records they listened to as a family- I remember some and have forgotten others.

My other grandmother was a stoic daughter of Scandinavian immigrants, so practical, so frugal, so opinionated. She had been recognized as one of the smartest students in her middle school, but if memory serves, she wasn’t allowed to go to high school. She made beautiful things, her hands always in motion. Every day she would make a set of a hat and booties for the local hospital to give to families welcoming a new baby. If only my crafty daughter could sit with her, learning swiftly how to tat, knit, crochet and who knows what else. Riches upon riches for her that I am not able to pass on.

She loved baseball, and always had a game on when we visited. Would she enjoy watching my son play? Would he have talked with her about the team and appreciate that she was someone who didn't have hugs in her vocabulary?

I never met her husband, she was forced early in my dad’s life to become the main breadwinner when he was disabled. What was that like? Was it scary? What did she like or enjoy doing before having to be so responsible? Who did she talk to when she needed help or advice? She traveled some when she was retired and shocked my parents when she was adamant that I take the opportunity to travel when it was offered to me at thirteen. Where did she travel? What did she like best about the places she visited? How did someone so careful with finances, so critical of others' “extravagant” expenditures find and follow this desire to travel? What were her parents like?

She was fiercely independent, to a fault, and died within a month of when an injury removed her ability to live by herself. I have some of her stubborn streak without her talent for handiwork. Was she lonely? Who did she rely on? Would she have done anything differently?

I wasn't ready to ask then so I'll never know.

— slowjamr