Stress and anxiety show up mainly in my mind and heart. Mind hops onto an old story replete with mind-fucking voices reverberating, “Why did you SAY that? What were you THINKING? Nothing, obviously! Did you think she wouldn’t notice her son was not invited to the party? Why do you keep doing the same thing over and over? You see how it starts, you see how it goes, and you see how it ends and yet you hop on that merry-go-round again and again and – at this point in your life – feign surprise when you’re thrown off the merry-go-round once again.” My heart – bless her heart, as we say in the south – just wants someone to sit with at ease, warm and accepted with her huge gaping holes where love might have been or support or encouragement and which could ultimately look only to self and a handful of friends for safe haven and genuine heartfelt and hearty laughter. The roles of mind and heart are eclipsed by face as home for and communication of stress and anxiety and for joy, misery, fear, exultation.
Examples:
Random man at gas station says, “Are you okay? You look like you’ve lost your best friend.” Bad news, after bad news, after bad news – and I’d pretty much lost my best friend -- hope.
Playing poker with the uncles and was dealt a hand with the four queens. The dealer was to my left so they went around the table throwing their cards in front of them “I fold,” “folding,” “not for me,” “I’m out.” The queens and I sat there and pulled in the ante. “Thank you, Not-Poker-Face,” I thought. “Thanks a bunch.”
Bottom line: Stress and anxiety are befriended and managed better now with meditation and exercise than ever before in my life. And I laugh more which helps, too.
— Marmar
Examples:
Random man at gas station says, “Are you okay? You look like you’ve lost your best friend.” Bad news, after bad news, after bad news – and I’d pretty much lost my best friend -- hope.
Playing poker with the uncles and was dealt a hand with the four queens. The dealer was to my left so they went around the table throwing their cards in front of them “I fold,” “folding,” “not for me,” “I’m out.” The queens and I sat there and pulled in the ante. “Thank you, Not-Poker-Face,” I thought. “Thanks a bunch.”
Bottom line: Stress and anxiety are befriended and managed better now with meditation and exercise than ever before in my life. And I laugh more which helps, too.
— Marmar
Yikes! So glad for that last paragraph ("Bottom line"). It took me a moment to realize why the uncles folded so quickly-- you couldn't hide your glee about the hand you were dealt. Just as you couldn't hide your feeling of loss from the gas station man. As we get older, our faces start to tell stories that aren't ours (but perhaps once were). In my case, people have thought I was angry when I wasn't, which doesn't bode well. Don't know if meditation and exercise could fix that. (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteI am grateful that I found meditation and that I make time to practice almost every day. Exercise, especially walking among trees, soothes and calms my soul. But, yeah, our faces!!
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