Remember where you are. Reach over to check for clean undies. Find none. Add Laundry to list. Reach back and grab the water bottle. Do not waste water. Rinse mouth and swallow. Check the mirror. Add wash hair to list. Check phone. Find phone dead. Add Charge Phone to list. Wriggle out of sleeping bag. Start rolling bag up and bang the small of back into the steering wheel. Curse. Stuff the unrolled bag into the back seat next to garbage bag of laundry. Check cash resources. Find $3.78 in pants pocket, $0.86 in cup holder, and a nickel wedged under the floor mat. Do the math: $4.69, laundry $2.50, leaving $2.19. Check food in cooler. Melted ice - now warm, one hardboiled egg, last pieces of bread becoming penicillin. Now soggy salt and pepper packets. Throw bread out window. Eat the egg which only tastes a little funny. Put seat up. Retrieve keys from hiding place. Sit and weigh options: Laundry in the morning people don't shy away because you're dirty and odoriferous; Laundry in the evening: warm clothes to sleep in and get a jump on the cold. The library has public computer terminals. Laundry in the morning. Turn the key in the car just enough to check the gas gauge. Pull the battered utility cart from the back, stuff in the bag of laundry. Start off on the thirteen-block walk to the laundry without the whole other economy of pills and powders and herbs.
When the clothes are dry spend a quarter to use the bathroom. Wash your face, and neck and privates and underarms. Wash your hair as best you can in the sink. Use the air hand-drier to get out some of the wet. Dry with paper towels - too expensive to wash a full towel. Put on cleaner clothes. Leave to dirty looks from the pregnant woman waiting to use the bathroom. Walk the thirteen blocks back to your car. Stash clothes and cart and remove your notebook from under the seat. Lock the car. Say a prayer to ensure the car is here and untouched when you return. Gather your trash from the passenger footwell. Walk toward the library. Twenty-two blocks. Check each trash can along the way. Pull out cans or bottles you can trade for pennies. Picking up other people's trash along the way mostly to concentrate to see if there's anything worthwhile. Sometimes you find coins. Once a diamond earring. You were going to pawn it. Someone stole it first. Easy come. You get overwhelmed from the smell of grease and salt from the hamburger joint. Your stomach growls loudly. You hear someone trying to get your attention. You hear - Miss, miss - I think you dropped this. You turn slowly. A man about your age, business suit and briefcase. He's holding a $10.00 bill. You look at your feet. You mutter that you are sure you didn't. The man continues to hold it out. He insists the money is yours. He gestures for you to take it.
You sit near the bottom step of the library. You should be inside searching for a job. You should b You clutch the $10.00 bill tightly. You weep. You cannot remember the last time you felt safe. You cannot remember the last time someone spoke kindly to you. You cannot remember feeling completely clean. You cannot remember feeling completely full. You cannot remember not feeling kinked up in the morning from sleeping in the front seat of your car. You remember, this is where you are.
— Lkai
When the clothes are dry spend a quarter to use the bathroom. Wash your face, and neck and privates and underarms. Wash your hair as best you can in the sink. Use the air hand-drier to get out some of the wet. Dry with paper towels - too expensive to wash a full towel. Put on cleaner clothes. Leave to dirty looks from the pregnant woman waiting to use the bathroom. Walk the thirteen blocks back to your car. Stash clothes and cart and remove your notebook from under the seat. Lock the car. Say a prayer to ensure the car is here and untouched when you return. Gather your trash from the passenger footwell. Walk toward the library. Twenty-two blocks. Check each trash can along the way. Pull out cans or bottles you can trade for pennies. Picking up other people's trash along the way mostly to concentrate to see if there's anything worthwhile. Sometimes you find coins. Once a diamond earring. You were going to pawn it. Someone stole it first. Easy come. You get overwhelmed from the smell of grease and salt from the hamburger joint. Your stomach growls loudly. You hear someone trying to get your attention. You hear - Miss, miss - I think you dropped this. You turn slowly. A man about your age, business suit and briefcase. He's holding a $10.00 bill. You look at your feet. You mutter that you are sure you didn't. The man continues to hold it out. He insists the money is yours. He gestures for you to take it.
You sit near the bottom step of the library. You should be inside searching for a job. You should b You clutch the $10.00 bill tightly. You weep. You cannot remember the last time you felt safe. You cannot remember the last time someone spoke kindly to you. You cannot remember feeling completely clean. You cannot remember feeling completely full. You cannot remember not feeling kinked up in the morning from sleeping in the front seat of your car. You remember, this is where you are.
— Lkai
Powerful writing. Such a clear rendering of the visual, the line of thought, the pain of being alone and without. Thanks for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteVery, very real. I do not doubt it. So alone. So wrong. So detailed. Small sentences of living reality being laid down like bricks. Walled in. It is communicated. (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteWhat a compelling story of need met, addressing want parceled out to the penny, sitting for a moment in what in that moment is ease. What happens next?
ReplyDeleteMy leaking eyes, my breaking heart. (KathyV)
ReplyDelete