In my growing up household, how things looked were more important than how they were. Mustn’t have a boy in the house if Mama’s not home. People will think … well, what people will think. No kissing in a parked car in the driveway. One light kiss at the door will do, thank you very much. No parking on the beach road. No parking at all. (parking = stopping the car and making out) Honestly, is there any wonder that when I got to college I broke the rules, broke lots of rules.
A few years later, my sister went to Vermont to live with the love of her life whom she’d met when they were both in the Peace Corps. Mama was sitting in bed one night sobbing. Not “I hope your sister will be okay so far away.” Not “I hope this man is good to her forever.” Not anything about my sister except “what will the neighbors think?”
Outward appearances be damned. Not that anyone has to be transparent in personal and private matters but if it shows, let it show without a curtain, without smoke and mirrors.
— Marmar
A few years later, my sister went to Vermont to live with the love of her life whom she’d met when they were both in the Peace Corps. Mama was sitting in bed one night sobbing. Not “I hope your sister will be okay so far away.” Not “I hope this man is good to her forever.” Not anything about my sister except “what will the neighbors think?”
Outward appearances be damned. Not that anyone has to be transparent in personal and private matters but if it shows, let it show without a curtain, without smoke and mirrors.
— Marmar
I am very moved by hour evocative your writing is - how I can feel the oppression, and when you reach your conclusion I just want to shout: "Amen!"
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you so much.
DeleteSounds oppressive...because the judgment is not even about manner of dress, just cartoonish scenarios that may or may not be what they "seem." How could one monitor one's behavior constantly like that? Sounds like your mother monitored everyone else's, though. Your mother was in a terrible trap. I wonder if she ever escaped. (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteNo. She didn't. I don't think she knew there was any other way.
Delete"let it show without a curtain. without smoke and mirrors." Such a relief to live that way. I hope you get to. It would be a just reward for the oppressiveness you so clearly and powerfully describe. Thanks for writing this.
ReplyDeleteI pretty much do live that way. Not that all in my life is transparent, of course, but I do work at being authentic to myself and to those around me. It is an easier way to live than being caught up in what story I need to support where and with whom I'm talking. I appreciate that you really heard the story.
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