This may be entirely dum dum writing tonight. I am a disorderly person who has spent the day doing orderly things leaving my brain cells in an exhausted state. I have been paying bills, canceling credit cards, and providing verification of my half-sister’s passing. I’ve been talking to automated bank attendants, short-circuiting phone menus in an effort to talk to a real person, listening to muzak on hold, and having calls dropped after 40-minute waits, all in an effort to give medical and utility groups their final pieces of the remaining pie.
I am a disorderly person who has been entrusted to close the circle on my half-sister’s remaining obligations and wishes and I damn well intend to get these things done. I’m the one who left the family at the age of 13, getting out of the difficult home situation a good five years earlier than any of them got to. And I am deeply in love with each of them.
My half-sisters were born in the early ’30s. My brother and In the late ’40s. We grew up in different worlds. All of us understood it was an 18-and-out home. Everybody was expected to take care of themselves after 18, and everybody did pretty much. No one wanted to go back and a lot of us spread out across the country, weakening the already weak familial bonds. When I visited my half-sister in Tennessee 4 years ago, I had not seen her in 5 years, but the moment I walked into her house I could smell it: the family legacy of lovelessness. I had an automatic visceral connection with her. I would do anything for her too, even these things that I am so bad at.
It’s a distant, but fundamentally connected family that is disappearing quickly. 2 half-sisters down. 1 half-sister and 1 brother left, both of them standing on shaky ground. (if you don’t include all of the biological half-siblings 5 half-sisters down, 1 half-brother left who does not care to become acquainted).
My half-sister’s grandkids come tomorrow to go over the things, and to help take a few trips to the dump, and after a day of work, we will meet my brother for a beer somewhere. It will be a good day because there will be people rather than calculations, automated phone assistants, death certification, and checks.
As tired as I am by this kind of day, as fundamentally disturbing it is to be occupying my half-sister’s house without my half-sister, I am glad to be here. I do know that this is where I belong at the moment. I’ve been entrusted.
— DanielSouthGate
I am a disorderly person who has been entrusted to close the circle on my half-sister’s remaining obligations and wishes and I damn well intend to get these things done. I’m the one who left the family at the age of 13, getting out of the difficult home situation a good five years earlier than any of them got to. And I am deeply in love with each of them.
My half-sisters were born in the early ’30s. My brother and In the late ’40s. We grew up in different worlds. All of us understood it was an 18-and-out home. Everybody was expected to take care of themselves after 18, and everybody did pretty much. No one wanted to go back and a lot of us spread out across the country, weakening the already weak familial bonds. When I visited my half-sister in Tennessee 4 years ago, I had not seen her in 5 years, but the moment I walked into her house I could smell it: the family legacy of lovelessness. I had an automatic visceral connection with her. I would do anything for her too, even these things that I am so bad at.
It’s a distant, but fundamentally connected family that is disappearing quickly. 2 half-sisters down. 1 half-sister and 1 brother left, both of them standing on shaky ground. (if you don’t include all of the biological half-siblings 5 half-sisters down, 1 half-brother left who does not care to become acquainted).
My half-sister’s grandkids come tomorrow to go over the things, and to help take a few trips to the dump, and after a day of work, we will meet my brother for a beer somewhere. It will be a good day because there will be people rather than calculations, automated phone assistants, death certification, and checks.
As tired as I am by this kind of day, as fundamentally disturbing it is to be occupying my half-sister’s house without my half-sister, I am glad to be here. I do know that this is where I belong at the moment. I’ve been entrusted.
— DanielSouthGate
I really feel for you spending all that time on the phone. Talking or waiting, the phone is not an ideal communication device. Is this the first time you've written "half-sister" instead of "sister"? I think so. You are doing good, and you tend to do. Perhaps your deams will give you a chaotic, disorganized experience that will refresh you! (Macoff)
ReplyDeleteYes, though life-wise, a full sister indeed. Though I'm in her house my mind is on my brother who is my one full sibling as it turns out. Felt like making that clear. I get to see him this weekend. Thanks for supporting my whining about the phone. Waaaaah!
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