No, not the Lord’s arms. Fifty-seven years ago, I seduced a man. Yes. Yes, I did. I was 19. He was 22 and shy and sweet and head over heels in love with me. So, I flirted with him. He flirted back. We had some dates. “May I kiss you?” he asked. That kiss happened. I was curious about men’s bodies, my body, and sex. This particular man was smart, funny, adventurous, thoughtful, attentive and seemed, to the extent possible for a man, trustworthy. This was back in the day when spending the night together could be complicated: One or the other knew someone with an available apartment; the man registered at a hotel for either one person in the room or as married; or … not much else. I broke rules spending nights out of the dorm with him. I was so loved, so treasured, so safe and at home in his arms …
Had I known scraps about romantic relationships and what might (or might not) be real and “’til death do us part” level commitment, I clearly might have made a series of different decisions. I opted for “will be a good provider and good father” over “what fun we’ll have living life and making babies.” I chose “he’s Catholic and divorce will not be an option” over (had I realized) “he’s committed forever without a ceremony, yet I cannot not surrender to acceptance of that kind of love?”
Thirty years later, my college sweetheart called. After some conversations, we both broke rules again and held each other. Loved, treasured, safe, and at home in each other’s arms.
— Marmar
Had I known scraps about romantic relationships and what might (or might not) be real and “’til death do us part” level commitment, I clearly might have made a series of different decisions. I opted for “will be a good provider and good father” over “what fun we’ll have living life and making babies.” I chose “he’s Catholic and divorce will not be an option” over (had I realized) “he’s committed forever without a ceremony, yet I cannot not surrender to acceptance of that kind of love?”
Thirty years later, my college sweetheart called. After some conversations, we both broke rules again and held each other. Loved, treasured, safe, and at home in each other’s arms.
— Marmar
Wonderful! So glad you are home in each others arms!
ReplyDeleteI love "Yes. Yes, I did." A very cool little self-assertive moment there! This is a beautiful love story. I wanted to know more (and I know you've written about this before)...about "we both broke rules again." This is such rich topic! I yearn for details. (Macoff)
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